All the Feels …

It’s crazy how being a mom can bring SO MANY EMOTIONS … often several at the same time! This past weekend was one of those times for me…

Three years ago, I felt like our little family wasn’t complete. With an almost 3 year old, I didn’t want to wait too much longer to decide on having another baby. My husband and I decided to ask our girls (individually) their thoughts on adding to our family. Without hesitation, each one said “yes” they wanted another baby.

Fast forward another year, that baby girl was born! She was the most amazing gift I could have ever imagined my girls having. They were completely obsessed with her, from the moment they laid eyes on her! The day I brought her home was one of my most favorite days as a mom. The girls squealed, clapped and could NOT stop touching, staring at her and smiling from ear to ear. I strongly believe that love they showed her was due to their ages when she was born. You see, my first three girls are all 27 months apart. My oldest two were only 2 years old when a baby sister came home. They didn’t fully understand or have the ability to appreciate it. Baby number 4 was different … the girls were all older. They were almost 4, 6 and 8. This baby was like a real-life baby doll. Every day since she came home, they have loved her more and more!

Now, back to those emotions … this weekend, that baby girl turned TWO! It seems unreal that she’s been here with us that long already. My mama heart was full off all kinds of emotions as we celebrated her this weekend. Part of me is in denial that I don’t have a “baby” anymore. Part (a big part) of me loves the age she’s at. She is a fantastic communicator for her age and I love all her little conversations with us. We’ve said our family is complete, but to be honest, this is still a hard pill for me to swallow. My whole life, my biggest dream has been to be a mother. I’ve loved babies every since I could hold one. I’m sad for this stage to be over. I’m sad this part of my dreams is rushing by. I’m sad, I may never experience bringing home another little baby for the girls to meet. So, this weekend, I sat in a boat full of emotions. I looked back over pictures of her birth and bringing her home to meet the girls. I looked over all the pics of the weekend celebrating her. I smiled, I had tears, but most of all, I felt joy and gratitude that God has blessed with with 4 sweet girls!