Beauty from the ashes (pt 1)

I took quite a break from blogging, while going through some life changes. God has been nudging me to write again, so here I am.

The past few years has been such a season of growth for me personally. I went through some emotionally low times, did some soul-searching, counseling, and have worked on loving myself.

I think for much of my life, I have put into loving others, and neglected learning to love myself. You see, I am a people-pleaser, and want everyone around me to be happy, especially happy with me. This caused me to never have a good boundaries for my own heart. Heck, I didn’t even know what it meant to have boundaries until I learned from a counselor.

In the midst of some of these tough times, a dear friend of mine, introduced me to the Enneagram. I found it very interesting as it was not like other personality test, but rather helped me figure out who God made me to be, and what things drive my actions or reactions. It took me a while to figure out which personality type I was, but once I dug into my heart, I quickly realized I am an Enneagram two -the helper. I am not necessarily the one to do hosting , or be the first to jump at volunteering, but I love helping people, especially if it’s going to make them happy. It makes me feel good. The biggest thing I learned about myself through enneagram is what truly drives me is the desire to be loved, and to feel important to others. This can be a blessing, and a curse. At certain times, the last few years, this was a curse… because again, I lacked boundaries.

I had allowed certain people into very intimate corners in my life … attending my wedding events, pregnancy events, child births, etc. To be allowed in on those things meant you meant a lot to me. There came a time recently where I felt cut out and forgotten, while I was going through a season of having my last baby and the world going through Covid.

I was broken hearted, sad and grieving some friendships that just didn’t seem to be the same. I had always thought, once a friend to me, always a friend to me. This began a season of deciding I needed to learn to love myself.

to be continued …